Rambo: First Blood Part II (1985)

I had enjoyed First Blood but understood that it bore little resemblance to the rest of the Rambo series. Green Beret John Rambo (Sylvester Stallone) doesn't kill any humans in it, for one thing. When I found the immediate sequel on Pluto TV, I decided to get an informed opinion of how accurate the many parodies were. Hey, it wouldn't be the first mediocre Stallone vehicle I found interesting.

After a few years of a labor sentence, Rambo learns from his former commander, Colonel Sam Trautman (Richard Crenna), of a chance at a pardon. His accepted mission from Major Marshall Roger Murdock (Charles Napier) is to sneak into a Vietnamese camp suspected of still containing American POWs and take only pictures. Of course, this wouldn't be much of a story if he followed instructions precisely. Once he sees an opportunity to free a tortured prisoner (Andy Wood), it won't be long before the projectiles fly.

I've known other action flicks in which a convict is enlisted for his infiltration skills, like Snake Plissken in Escape from New York and Captain John Mason in The Rock. Rambo stands out among them for his reliable patriotism. Murdock, alas, has a different idea of what's good for the country, so Rambo doesn't get the support he expected.

We probably won't get another Hollywood fiction movie in which a White hero kills lots of Southeast Asians. To be fair, some of the villains are colluding Russians. And the second most badass character is Rambo's correspondent Agent Co Phuong Bao (half-Chinese Julia Nickson), who may lose points for her broken English, but at least I like her.

I think the main reason for the mixed reviews is unintentional surrealism. You don't have to know much about physics to surmise that many moments would not happen in RL. For example, Rambo could put Hawkeye to shame with his overly explosive arrows, and he should have killed even himself with that rocket launcher. From the picture's overall fieriness, I wonder if Michael Bay took inspiration. An early edition drew unforeseen laughs from the test audience.

If all you want is a well-chiseled Stallone racking up a body count in the dozens (far more than the number of people he's saving) by various means while shrugging off considerable threats and injuries, you've come to the right place. If you want something that doesn't treat you like a 17-year-old boy, keep looking. Fortunately, I had the right mindset going in.