Spider-Man: No Way Home (2021)

Yeah, that's two consecutive theater viewings of Marvel Cinematic Universe movies. And sadly, I've had only a dozen theater viewings in the nearly 2.5 years since the last Spider-Man movie. But a friend had an extra ticket and invited me mere hours in advance, so how could I put this off?

The action begins right where Far from Home leaves off: Mysterio (Jake Gyllenhaal) has posthumously outed Peter Parker (Tom Holland) as Spider-Man -- and framed him for Mysterio's crimes and death. There is not enough evidence for a trial, but the public is divided on whom to believe. The bad publicity causes trouble for Peter's friend Ned (Jacob Batalon) and tentative girlfriend MJ (Zendaya) by association. Peter asks Dr. Strange (Benedict Cumberbatch) to cast a widespread amnesia spell, but by belatedly requesting exceptions, he distracts Strange to the point that the spell becomes too dangerous and Strange traps the workings in a container -- too late for it to have no effect whatsoever. Not only will everyone remember, but people from alternate universes who know Spider-Man's identity cross over, including five villains from the first two Spider-Man silver-screen series: the Green Goblin (Willem Dafoe), Dr. Octopus (Alfred Molina), the Sandman (Thomas Haden Church), the Lizard (Rhys Ifans), and Electro (Jamie Foxx). Guess it would've been tough to fit the rest in.

Klaus (2019)

Wow, a brand new Christmas movie in the IMDb top 250. Has that ever happened before? And how long can we expect it to stay up there? There seemed no better choice for me to watch on Christmas itself.

The setting appears to be 19th-century Scandinavia, in an alternate timeline where the Santa Claus legend hasn't started yet. Jesper (Jason Schwartzman) is in a postal academy out of sheer nepotism and wants to flunk out and return to a spoiled life without obligation, but his father will not oblige him so easily. Instead, he is assigned to the far-northern, remote island town of Smeerensburg, where he must deliver 6,000 letters in one year or be disowned. The unfriendly citizens are caught up in a clan feud and have no desire to write to anyone. Jesper is about to give up when he accidentally delivers a kiddie drawing to hermit Klaus (J.K. Simmons), who has made many unused toys and decides to press Jesper into delivering one to that kid. Jesper spreads word among the children that letters to Klaus result in nighttime toy deliveries, and the legend begins to take shape.

Whiplash (2014)

For years, this had been the highest entry on IMDb's top 250 that I hadn't seen (a distinction presently held by Dangal at #80). Sources had suggested that it was not exactly pleasant to watch, and my dad got the same impression. But I could ignore its many awards and consistent high scores across all major rating sites for only so long.

Andrew (Miles Teller) is a conservatory freshman with a thing for drumming. The jazz band's conductor, Fletcher (J.K. Simmons), is pretty much Drill Sergeant Nasty, only he waits until you mess up to get angry at you. I'm not sure whether he's especially hard on Andrew or our perspective is limited by the spotlight, but Andrew is certainly under a lot of stress -- which drives him to become the drummer Fletcher wants.

The Cider House Rules (1999)

I had expected not to write this review. It's not that I don't care strongly about this movie. It just features an extremely controversial subject that may very well make or break your opinion of and/or desire to watch it, and I'd hate to ostracize a good chunk of my readership by indicating my own position. Maybe that's why I never heard anyone talk about the movie outside the context of the 71st Annual Academy Awards. Still, it got me thinking, and those who haven't seen it ought to make an informed decision.

Based on a John Irving book, the story follows one Homer Wells from his infancy in a rural Maine orphanage to his young adulthood (when he's played by Tobey Maguire), ending shortly after World War II. He never gets adopted or formally educated, instead becoming an unofficial apprentice to orphanage director Wilbur Larch (Michael Caine), who also serves as an obstetrician -- and abortionist. Tired of this claustrophobic life, he leaves with two friendly customers, Wally (Paul Rudd) and Candy (Charlize Theron), who help him gain employment as the only White laborer at a cider house. When Wally goes off to war, Candy strays toward Homer. But Dr. Larch won't accept that Homer will stay away for good.

La La Land (2016)

Between its record-tying Oscar nominations and its high ratings across the main review sites, you might think this the best movie not just of the year but of the decade to date. I went in with no such assumption. One family member had had high expectations and was disappointed; another had low expectations and was impressed. It seemed only fair that my expectations be middling.

I had heard that it pays tribute to old-school musicals but is not like Glee. Nor, it turns out, is it to musicals what The Artist is to silents. It follows two present-day people who love different aspects of the past: Mia (Emma Stone), a barista who wants to be an actress and covers her room with classic film posters; and Sebastian (Ryan Gosling), a pianist/keyboardist with little interest in things outside of jazz, which can make it difficult for him to stay employed. As circumstances repeatedly bring them together, they fall in love, but the relationship has an awfully shaky foundation, tested by the dilemmas of whether to follow their dreams or settle....

Kung Fu Panda 3 (2016)

Having enjoyed the first two in the series, I was rather dismayed to sense a lukewarm reception for this. Sure, it blew away Norm of the North in its first duel, but even weeks before Zootopia stole its thunder, few people seemed interested in it. Even the dumb-looking Sing is ahead by a majority of estimates. Well, as one of the minority of viewers who preferred the second movie to the first, I thought I might beg to differ again. Besides, I saw nothing to lose by streaming.

You've likely seen ads indicating that fanboy-turned-champion Po (Jack Black) finally reunites with other pandas, whom he had presumed wiped out. As hinted at the end of KFP2, the first one to find him is his original father, Li (Bryan Cranston), provoking the jealousy of adoptive father Mr. Ping (James Hong). This is not as incidental to the main conflict as you'd think, for the latest national menace, the oddly solid spirit of a bull named Kai (J.K. Simmons), can be defeated only by a "master of qi" -- pandas' historical area of expertise. Po accepts Li's invitation to the hidden panda village, where, if he doesn't master qi in time, at least he'll learn more about his identity, the question of which is plaguing him once more.

Zootopia (2016)

Like with The Force Awakens, I had been cautiously optimistic for months. As a patron of the furry fandom (don't read too much into that), I was initially caught between tentative gratitude for Disney possibly pandering to us and/or seeding the next generation...and apprehension that that might be all they were doing. Remember Chicken Little (2005)? It too looked cute, well-rendered, and a bit different from usual, but it bombed due to bad writing. Of course, Pixar aside, that was a less successful era for Disney animations. Once I learned that the co-directors had done Bolt, Tangled, and Wreck-It Ralph between them, I worried less. When people who had seen it started talking, well, animatedly about it, I stopped worrying altogether and got both parents to come along.

For those wondering how the premise differs from other animal-centric Disney fare, consider this: Has Donald Duck ever flown south for the winter? Did Bambi get a job? No, most Disney animals either (a) are nonhuman only in physical appearance, for aesthetic reasons; or (b) go naked on all fours, whether or not we can hear them speak. The mammals of Zootopia have a modern-style civilization but exhibit enough behaviors in common with their real-world counterparts that the makers must have thought hard about who should be what. Contrary to a rumor I've read, they did not inherit the Earth from bygone humans but developed intellect and society on their own -- which, unlike in some fiction I know, means that traditional carnivores limit their primary protein sources to the non-anthropomorphic fish and bugs.

The story follows Judy Hopps (Ginnifer Goodwin, best known for Snow White on Once Upon a Time), a rural rabbit who doesn't let lifelong discouragement by others stop her from pursuing her dream job in law enforcement in the big city. Becoming easily the smallest member on the force, she gets a vote of no confidence from Chief Bogo (Idris Elba). Fortunately, the mayor's office promotes affirmative action, letting her push her way into detective work on an otherwise neglected missing-otter case. Her only lead: Nick Wilde (Jason Bateman), a conniving, street-smart, probably thirty-something red fox whose swindles are mostly within the bounds of the law, but not so legal that she can't manipulate him into helping. What they find is more alarming than they expected: numerous cases of predators behaving like their primitive ancestors.