Fast Five (2011)

The Fast and the Furious franchise never looked like my thing. Nevertheless, when a silver-screen series reaches eight entries and anticipates two more, my curiosity builds. FF is reputedly both the best of the bunch and a key turning point, with a reduction in focus on street racing in order to reach a broader audience. In fact, it was supposed to be a conclusion, but there was too much demand. I could only hope that forgoing my usual policy of watching the predecessors first wouldn't leave me confused.

Three U.S. fugitives -- Dom (Vin Diesel), Mia (Jordana Brewster), and Brian (Paul Walker) -- partake in an elite grand theft auto job in Rio de Janeiro, but when they find something fishy about the scenario and their other partners' priorities, things go rather sideways. In taking matters into their own hands, they make an enemy of Hernan Reyes (Joaquim de Almeida), a criminal kingpin who practically runs Rio. Not having many good options for escape, they get the bright idea to steal all of Reyes' stockpiled cash -- what they don't destroy of it, anyway -- and split it with their six or seven accomplices. This would be challenging enough without the additional factor of Javert-like special agent Hobbs (Dwayne Johnson) tracking them down, albeit with the help of more conflicted Officer Neves (Elsa Pataky).

While there is indeed little racing, there remains a heavy use of motor vehicles to get things done. Guess that's what the heist leaders know best. I'm sure you'll get a lot more out of this if you see sports cars as beauties, not just machines like I do.

The first minute or so establishes some important things about this flick. Dom is sentenced to 25 years without parole (a review of Fast and Furious, the fourth entry, told me why), but Mia and Brian get him off the bus heading for prison by...stopping a car abruptly in front of it. The bus flips over many times, yet the car doesn't even appear nudged. The gap jump in Speed had more convincing physics. Furthermore, a news anchor reports that nobody died and only one of the 25 prisoners escaped -- Dom, of course. Either the protagonists are magicians, or they're charmed with the luck of a lazy writer.

Most of the movie isn't quite so brazen on that score (breaking through a glass window without getting hurt is common on screen). I'm just as likely to have a hard time believing characters' decisions -- or lack thereof. Even when the rest of the team wavers, Dom never loses confidence that they can pull off a heist on a state-of-the-art militarized police station. None of them seem at all worried when they steal four police cars from a lot. Which does, in fact, look way too easy herein.

Granted, the storytellers could be skipping details. Sometimes we miss potentially exciting moments, including, yes, a street race. That might be for the best, because one of the most frequent complaints about FF is that it's too long. Sure, 130 minutes may sound pretty short in the wake of Endgame, but this isn't as epic in scope, and the brisk pace early on does not prepare us for the runtime.

Now, I can enjoy unrealistic action outside of fantasy, but unlike the positive FF reviewers, I prefer a bit more intelligence with my suspension of disbelief. These robbers may try to channel Ocean's Eleven, but their scheme is only fitfully impressive, their banter only fitfully amusing, and their characters not especially developed. On the plus side, I can see why Gal Gadot got a reminiscent role in Ralph Breaks the Internet, despite her character of Gisele not even being named on screen in FF.

Part of the problem is that I have a hard time rooting for self-serving crooks with little regard for collateral damage, even if their main enemy is presumably worse. Early Deadpool is less of an antihero. And between the grit and the testosterone, it's almost likely a present-day Fury Road. I might actually like FR better, and as you can see from my link, that's saying something. At least FR has better cinematography and more imagination.

My first impression was correct: This series is not for me. Only a long plane ride might get me to try another sequel.

ADDENDUM: FWIW, Brazil hates this movie. Not only does it make Rio look like the crime capital of the world, but it's inauthentic in many ways, not least for the foreign actors with poor accent attempts. That would explain why the Portuguese sounded too much like Spanish to me.