The Secret Life of Pets (2016)

Yeah, it's been less than a month since my last talking animal cartoon review. This one, despite numerous award nominations and a few minor wins, gets a mostly middling reception. So why did I bother to see it, especially after a decade? Because I was in the mood for something short (86 minutes) and cute.

Max (Louis C.K.), a Jack Russell, basically enjoys life in Manhattan until owner Katie (Ellie Kemper) brings home a large rescue Newfie, Duke (Eric Stonestreet), prompting covetous competition. An outdoor kerfuffle results in both of them losing their collars and getting caught by dogcatchers. Before they can reach the pound, a gang of sewer-dwelling, human-hating abandoned pets busts a member out of the van, and Max and Duke persuade lead rabbit Snowball (Kevin Hart) to take them too. When their overture of rebellion proves false and they accidentally cause the demise of the biggest and nastiest ex-pet while escaping, Snowball becomes determined to hunt them down. As the two dogs seek a way home, Gidget (Jenny Slate as yet another small fluffy white critter), a neighboring Pom with a crush on Max, organizes a search squad of various pets.

Perhaps most useful to the search is antiheroic hawk Tiberius (Albert Brooks), tho he's not as acquainted with Max as most of the others. Chloe the cat (Lake Bell) stands out for pretending not to care as much as she does. Pops the basset (Dana Carvey) may be old and paraplegic, but he knows a few key points. Frequently present if less important are Buddy the dachshund (Hannibal Buress), Mel the pug (Bobby Moynihan), Sweetpea the budgie (Tara Strong), and Norman the lost guinea pig (Illumination Entertainment mainstay Chris Renaud). The gang members are too numerous to list, but I'll mention Tattoo (Michael Beattie), a highly inked pig.

Not exactly an epic tale; most events take place before Katie comes home for the day. It sure doesn't take long for a shared crisis to get Max and Duke to soften toward each other, with only a slight echo of their prior hostility around the start of Act 3. After all, the story tries to be heartwarming when it's not going pure comedy or adventure. Even Snowball is more redeemable than Lulu.

The comedy aspect gets priority. It usually takes the form of pets fulfilling stereotypes, pets defying stereotypes, slapstick, or vulgarity. On the last part, eh, it could be worse. Dont expect much of interest from the humans.

TSLoP is almost exactly what the ads led me to expect. Indeed, it borders on predictable, never trying for innovation. That's not altogether a bad thing when you choose a movie. I probably won't bother with the sequel, but I got what I came for.

The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies (2014)

Man, I'd last seen a Hobbit movie before I started this blog more than a decade ago. The threequel was reputed to be the weakest link in a pale imitation of The Lord of the Rings, hence my lack of hurry to see it. Nonetheless, it looked like the most promising DVD I hadn't watched in my local library, having better ratings from general audiences than from critics.

The Desolation of Smaug ends with halfling Bilbo Baggins (Martin Freeman) accidentally inspiring the titular event. Not long into TBotFA, human archer Bard (Luke Evans) slays the rampaging Smaug (Benedict Cumberbatch), but that's not the end of the dragon's evil influence. One of Bilbo's dwarven companions, King Thorin (Richard Armitage), finds Smaug's trove almost as corruptive as the One Ring and refuses to share any of it with the humans of newly burned Lake-town, despite his prior oath and their obvious need. When elven King Thranduil (Lee Pace) comes with an army to claim a family treasure, Thorin is undaunted, and the other dwarves obediently prepare to fight. Perhaps fortunately, before the first casualty, the arrival of two armies of darkness induces the other three to team up.

Topper (1937)

Until it came up on YouTube, the only time I'd heard of this movie was when the American Film Institute's list of 100 funniest U.S. movies included it at #60. That was not one of the more respected AFI lists, since humor is highly subjective, so I took the placement with a grain of salt. Nonetheless, I was in the mood for an oldie.

Bank stockholder George Kerby (Cary Grant) and his wife, Marion (Constance Bennett), lead fun-loving, irresponsible lives that end abruptly in a car crash -- sort of. They persist as ghosts, evidently a fate for the morally neutral. When bank manager Cosmo Topper (Roland Young), an acquainted fellow aristocrat, stumbles on the scene of the crash, the Kerbys think of a posthumous good deed that might get them into heaven: guiding Cosmo to more joy than his strict wife, Clara (Billie Burke), has allowed him. They make their presence known to him and both engage in and encourage the same kind of behavior as before, with predictable risks.

Desperado (1995)

I watched most of El Mariachi in junior high Spanish class and the rest in young adulthood. It didn't particularly grab me, but it worked pretty well on $7,000. When Netflix suggested the immediate sequel, I got curious how different it would be with a budget 100 times higher.

EM had ended with the unnamed title character (subsequently played by Antonio Banderas) killing drug lord Moco (Peter Marquardt), who had killed the guitarist's love interest and shot him in the left hand. Alas, his thirst for vengeance has not been quenched; he now seeks Moco's boss, Bucho (Joaquim de Almeida). El Mariachi's buddy Buscemi (yup, Steve Buscemi) discovers compelling evidence of which small town holds Bucho's base of operations. It doesn't take long for a trail of destruction to put Bucho on high alert. Meanwhile, El Mariachi must have a type, because he falls for yet another drug lord affiliate, bookstore owner Carolina (Salma Hayek, paired with Banderas for the first time), who tends his wounds.

Project Hail Mary (2026)

This has been seeing a lot of discussion in my circles, including a slight spoiler I tried to ignore. I decided not to wait for the next spoiler to see the flick in a theater. Besides, at 156 minutes, it promised a good way to fill my evening.

In the near future, scientists discover star-eating microbes that could decimate Earth's population in a few decades. These "astrophages" travel to Venus to reproduce, so it's possible to collect some for study. Only one vaguely close star, Tau Ceti, has not been dimming. The titular project sends three astronauts on a long, mostly comatose one-way trip to find and transmit answers that might save their sun. For unexplained reasons, only Ryland Grace (Ryan Gosling) lives to wake up. Fortunately, he meets a sapient alien he dubs Rocky, on a mission to deal with the same threat to another star. Their combined smarts might be just what they need.

How the West Was Won (1962)

I'd seen this title many times over the years, thanks primarily to its all-star cast. For a profitable epic, it's had a pretty middling reception on rating sites, but it did net some Academy Awards. I chose to watch it not long after my last John Wayne western because I knew no better way to kill 164 minutes last night.

No other western I know takes place over such a long period. It's divided into five chapters, spanning from 1839 to 1889. The focus is on the westward-moving Prescott family, including but not limited to patriarch Zebulon (Karl Malden), matriarch Rebecca (Agnes Moorehead), and daughters Eve (Carroll Baker) and Lilith (Debbie Reynolds). Eve takes a shine to wandering fur trader Linus Rawlings (James Stewart), while Lilith falls for gambler Cleve van Valen (Gregory Peck). Their lives are partly affected by the California Gold Rush, the War Between the States, and other armed conflicts.